Did I ever exist in another life? Was I ever someone else? A poor Chinese girl living in the street or a warrior with many scars from years of war? No home to come back to? Ever a princess who was forced to marry another prince just for good relations or a mother who lost her two children to polio? A gay man who was forced to keep his reality hidden for years or a fifteen year old girl who was assaulted? Did I ever win a Pulitzer in another life or was I ever a despicable villain? Did I ever kill anyone in another life or was I ever killed myself? Is the birth mark on my neck is how I died in my previous life? Stabbed at the back of my neck. By my lover? Enemy? By someone on the street who tried to stole my money and I resisted?
Did I ever have other realities? Like, did I ever have triplets or was I ever a lonely only child? Is there a life where my parents actually went for that abortion and maybe one where I was a great actress with a coke addiction. Was I ever a teacher, a doctor, a criminal or an uncle? Was I ever sentenced and did my time in Alcatraz? Was I ever in love with a woman or was I ever cheated on and learned later? Was I a young man in 1933, running away from the Nazi? Or maybe I was one myself. Did I ever become blind or ever created a song the millions listened to? Before they committed suicide. Was there ever a life where I was very rich and never shared anything with anyone? Was there any life where I had a mental disease and I made peace with it? In other lives, did I ever slowly fade away because of Alzheimer like my grandfather or did I spend my life time miserable, just being someone’s wife for years like my grandmother?
Did I ever overdose or die because of cancer? Did I ever write letters to people before I ceased existing as I thought I would or made someone better with just my touch? Did my name mean, in other lives, something else than the moon; like a mockingbird or a tree or chaos; cliff or heaven or was it ever a prophet’s name?
Did I ever create a poem that changed someone’s life or did I ever sell drugs to teenagers? Was I ever woman who could not have a baby and hated my partner for that? Did I ever see the heaven on earth or the earth in hell? Did I ever cure a disease or fell in love so beautifully that it became a tale to be told for centuries?
I don’t know. I wish I did. I wish I had many lives before and I was so many different people. I wish someone from the future came and put me in a time machine to show me all my previous lives. Then maybe I would not feel so stuck, having one name, in one sole life, being in one body and having one soul.
Soul.
If I had other lives, would I always have the same soul living with different decisions and mistakes and love stories and failures and sleeping to different lullabies, loved by different men and women?
Soul.
If I had the same soul, would I recognize people from my past? Then it would make sense that I know you. Yes, you. Because I do or did. At some point, we met. As the antagonist in each other’s story. Or lover, mother, daughter, dear friend. Killer, survivor, healer. Did we say goodbye to each other for-ever or did we get old together?
I guess we will never know. In this life. But who ever knows? Maybe I’ll see you in my next.
Until then.
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